Things Unseen

Welcoming the cool autumn weather has me relishing at the opportunity to do some major fall cleaning and rearranging, changing out clothes, bringing up hats, coats and mittens, and then the laundry…. Try as I might to stay on top and ahead of it all, the list never ends, the mess is always at my heals, all the while, lessons are taught, tears are dried, boo boos kissed, projects tackled, meals prepared…..I just do my best.
Today I stopped in my tracks when I read the entry on one of my most favorite blogs by Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience. To say she has a way with words is an understatement. Here is a sampling of her latest and exactly where I am these days:

Try everyday. I do. Really, I do. I laugh, shake my head. Who would know it, looking around here most days? I get up to fill the pitcher at the tap, sapling child needing rewatering. Test the temperature with the fingers, then fill. Who can see the spelling lessons? The breakfast made this morning? The next chapter of The Yearling read, the last child rocked early in the morning, the prayers whispered middle of the morning? I try in a week and a lot may get done, but the right things? Like water through fingers…

I water this grove of children. The water pours and think how I want a crumbless, smudgeless, spotless house, a house with empty laundry baskets, empty sinks, empty garbage cans, with floors like mirrors and mirrors like water, and a pantry lined neat like books in the study and pies lining the counter like sweet children all in a row. I want the (seeming) perfection all day that only happens at night when the whirl slows to a still and the six children sleep, their books and their legos, their papers and their creations, all finding their resting places too. I want a father-in-law who walks in mid-spin and sees what I have done with a day, with a week, and smiles his satisfaction.

I want things seen.
These can be idols.
This, I am learning.

Too often, mostly, sadly, I want product, others to see product, so yes, they can see: I have worth. Stinking idols. This, I think this is why I struggle to stop to pray at fixed times throughout the run of a day. If I stop doing, will I have merit? Will I still exist if I stop the producing?

How do I forget that I actually exist more, fully, wholly, when I do that which I was made for? Worship. Communion. Prayer, hidden and intangible, it is the day’s true product, it’s ultimate purpose.

So Abba Paul knew. The product is secondary…. Perhaps even pointless. It’s the prayers, the relationship, the love while doing the work, that hold the meaning, the merit.

The process of prayer is the real product.

To read the whole post and so many wonderful others like it, head on over to A Holy Experience, you may just love it as much as I do!

1 Comment

  1. //

    Just so you will feel better I thought I would comment again. 🙂

    I love her blog. She is so deep thinking. I can really have written those words but not as good as hers.

    You are a amazing, mama!

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