July 2012

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Last night I attended a support group for women who have lost babies.  It was a bittersweet evening but I know some good will come from it.  I came to the realization there that this pain will never go away.  I heard stories of women who lost babies early, ones who carried to full term

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Thursday I took the kids to the library.  While they looked for the books they wanted I punched words into the computer to see what sort of books they might have on “infant loss” “death of a child” “stillbirth”.  Ugly words that are now a part of my every day life.  Another first. I found

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From my Magnificat 2 weeks ago today, on Sophia’s birthday: HYMN: All who seek to know and serve God, See the past and understand: None who hoped were disappointed; Rich the blessings from God’s hand! None who waited were forsaken; None who trusted were deceived. All who asked his gracious pardon, Gentle mercy have received. If

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There is just a sadness in our home.  Even when there is laughter and distraction, it hangs there like a dark cloud just waiting to open up and pour down.  My mind is a scattered mess of things to do, places to go, distractions.  But what do they matter?  They all come back to her.

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I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now

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I’m sure at some point I will get back to posting about our homestead happenings but for now this is a safe place for me to store my thoughts and feelings about here and now.  Writing is therapy for me.  I have been journaling every memory I can throughout this whole experience.  So much to

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Somehow a week has gone by already.  The feelings come in waves.  I keep trying to ride the waves and not let the current pull me under.  Sometimes it just hurts so much.  Physically I have so many reminders of all that has happened that when my mind goes back to being numb and unsure

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For loss of brain power to write new words I feel the need to capture the recent Facebook messages that Mark and I shared.  I’m sure that as time passes I will need to start writing about the details and memories of the past 4 days and the days to come but for now this

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I’m still perfecting my bread making skills but I am thrilled with my new toys.  I bit the bullet and invested in a BOSCH Kitchen Machine and a Nutrimill.  It takes about 5 minutes to mill the flour in the Nutrimill before I set to work with the bread.  The recipe I am currently using

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Seeing these super cute diapers hanging on the line gets me SO excited to meet our little babe!  I have picked up several at garage sales and have been stripping them to get them prepped for more use.  We have a lot, like hundreds, of newborn diapers that were given to us from some great