by

Walking with you~Week 1

I have decided to join in a blog hop called Walking With You, hosted by Sufficient Grace Ministries.  It’s as much for me as it is for you.  I hope we both get something out of it.

 

Introduction and Where are You Now?

Tell us a little about yourself, your baby, and how you’ve come to this walk. Also, where are you now in your grief and healing? Are you new to this, still in the depths of fresh grief? Have you been walking this path awhile?

Hello and welcome.  My name is Maria and I am a Catholic wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and so much more.  A few clicks around my blog will tell you more about me than I have space for here.  Please feel free to dig a little.

On July 6, 2012, I gave birth to our stillborn daughter, Sophia Maria, at just under 26 weeks.  We don’t know why her heart suddenly stopped beating but we do know that she was sent to us for a bigger purpose and we continue to learn more about that purpose every day.

Being only 6 months out on our grief journey I’m not so sure that I have come to the point of healing yet.  I don’t know when that will come but I know that right now the wound is still pretty much wide open.  Just when I think that I am making progress, I am hit by another wave of grief, sadness, guilt, frustration, anger, anxiety, helplessness.  I never know when it’s going to hit and sometimes it comes disguised as something pretty mundane and normal until it festers under the surface and consumes my every breath.  The feeling of the moment sometimes ends up suffocating me until I finally set it free and take another step.  One step forward is sometimes followed by 3 steps back but with each step taken in either direction I am learning more about who I am now.  A much different soul than I was before July 5th when we found out we had lost her.  I am still trying to come to terms with it all and although I know that she was never mine to begin with, I still very selfishly wish I could at least borrow her for a while.  I miss her like crazy.

10 Comments


  1. //

    We miss her too, Maria! Thank you for always sharing your heart and for being open and honest with your life. Love you like crazy, friend!


  2. //

    Thank you for sharing your story Maria. Sorrow can consume on days, and like you said, “One step forward is sometimes followed by 3 steps back but with each step taken in either direction I am learning more about who I am now.” That was beautifully stated.

    Blessings to you…


  3. //

    Hello Maria,

    I look forward to “Walking With You” for this series…I hope you find hope and healing in your writing. Thank you for sharing your heart and your precious Sophia Maria! I love her beautiful name. I am so sorry for your loss.

    My daughter, Lily Katherine, was also stillborn – at 40w2d on March 16, 2010…it has almost been three years since I held her for the first and last time. Though I am no longer fresh in my grief as you are, I can empathize with where you are. And still after all this time, it feels as if I at times take a step forward only to take a couple back…but I guess as time passes, you take more steps forward and less steps back…but always learning and growing along the way.

    Much love and hugs,
    Hannah Rose


  4. //

    Oh gracious…my husband is about to deploy for a year. It seems SO.DAUNTING….a year.

    And then I realize that 3 years (I lost my first son 3 years ago) was yesterday.

    Some days (this being one of them, coincidentally), the grief is just.that.fresh…

    So be kind to yourself and give yourself time—while many may have expectations of where you should be and how you should be moving on, those who know will never do that…we know that life can go on, even happily, but never leaves our little ones out, even if the rest of the world does.

    I lost another little boy this year in April. Triggers, triggers, triggers…I very much relate to one step forward, three back.

    I’m so sorry for your loss and am glad you are doing this ‘walk’ .


  5. //

    Thank you for sharing… I am looking forward to walking with you on this journey.

    <3


  6. //

    Thank you for joining this walk, Maria. And, thank you for sharing your Sophia’s story with us. What a beautiful name for your precious baby girl. Healing does take time…and grief, even after much healing, tends to wash over us unexpectedly…although not as intensely years later as in the early days you are walking in now. It is such a life-changing journey…and we do learn more about ourselves and God’s grace…and what it’s like to cling to Him in the darkest moments…trusting, even when we don’t see.

    Praying for you as you walk this path…

    P.S. My Faith and Grace were born still at 26 1/2 weeks…sixteen years ago.


  7. //

    Maria,
    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Sophia. My son was stillborn on July 19, 2012 and I can relate to so much of what you wrote. Thank you for sharing your story… I hope you find healing and peace as you walk on the journey of grief <3


  8. //

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I am glad you are joining in on WWY and sharing your Sophia. The loss of a child is a loss that is so great and one you will never fully recover from. But the grief isn’t always so debilitating. Our daughter’s 4th bday is about 2 mos away and while hard moments don’t happen as often they do still come. I find myself more emotional these days as her bday draws near. Hugs to you mama.


  9. //

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Healing will come, and those wave of fresh grief will become further apart. My miscarriages were in April and December 2009, and I still find myself in those breathless moments that make it feel like yesterday. My heart hurts for you as move through this first year of milestones. Know that there are many here to walk this journey with you. Lots of love.


  10. //

    Maria,
    Thank you for sharing your sweet Sophia with us. I love her name1 I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter, Naomi died in June of this past year so I can very much identify with the numbness and pain that is so overwhelming at times. Hugs and peace to you.

Comments are closed, but trackbacks and pingbacks are open.