I have decided to join in a blog hop called Walking With You, hosted by Sufficient Grace Ministries. It’s as much for me as it is for you. I hope we both get something out of it.
Introduction and Where are You Now?
Tell us a little about yourself, your baby, and how you’ve come to this walk. Also, where are you now in your grief and healing? Are you new to this, still in the depths of fresh grief? Have you been walking this path awhile?
Hello and welcome. My name is Maria and I am a Catholic wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and so much more. A few clicks around my blog will tell you more about me than I have space for here. Please feel free to dig a little.
On July 6, 2012, I gave birth to our stillborn daughter, Sophia Maria, at just under 26 weeks. We don’t know why her heart suddenly stopped beating but we do know that she was sent to us for a bigger purpose and we continue to learn more about that purpose every day.
Being only 6 months out on our grief journey I’m not so sure that I have come to the point of healing yet. I don’t know when that will come but I know that right now the wound is still pretty much wide open. Just when I think that I am making progress, I am hit by another wave of grief, sadness, guilt, frustration, anger, anxiety, helplessness. I never know when it’s going to hit and sometimes it comes disguised as something pretty mundane and normal until it festers under the surface and consumes my every breath. The feeling of the moment sometimes ends up suffocating me until I finally set it free and take another step. One step forward is sometimes followed by 3 steps back but with each step taken in either direction I am learning more about who I am now. A much different soul than I was before July 5th when we found out we had lost her. I am still trying to come to terms with it all and although I know that she was never mine to begin with, I still very selfishly wish I could at least borrow her for a while. I miss her like crazy.