In light of my last 2 posts I feel the need to clear the air a bit.
When I read blogs I sort of get an overall picture of the person writing it. In general I tend to read ones about homeschooling, homesteading, parenting, and faith. In reading those blogs, I often have to remind myself that what I see is only a snippet of that person’s life. Just because it looks like they are the perfect mom, the perfect wife, saintly people who never have anything but beautiful things to say and families who fit perfectly into that mold, does not mean that is truly the case. Most often, it’s not even close.
A blog can only show so much.
So please remember that when you read my ramblings here. You are only seeing a small snippet of life as I know it. When I write something sad and share my innermost feelings, that doesn’t mean that my entire day is centered around being depressed. It just means that I need to unload some things so that I can embrace the joy in my life and rejoice in the little things. It just means that I am human. It does not mean that I am just sitting around here crying my eyes out all day. That is SO far from the truth. Anyone who knows me in person and sees me often knows that is not the case.
My purpose in blogging is to capture all of these thoughts and feelings that make me who I am right now. I hope that in sharing the good, bad, and the ugly, that other people will know that I am just a “normal” person who happens to being grieving the loss of her baby. I hope that people can relate in some way and maybe find some comfort in knowing that they are not alone. That other people have sadness too and are able to overcome it and still live life to the fullest. I also plan to print this all into a book to share with our kids someday. As they grow and mature, they will deal with the loss of Sophia in many different ways. I think it will be good for them to read my thoughts and experiences later in life when they are able to comprehend it as adults.
While I totally appreciate your concerns, thoughts, and prayers, I do not write to make people feel sorry for me, to pity me, or to raise concern. But in sharing things here I realize that I make myself vulnerable to the world. It’s a weird place to be, but it’s also very humbling. I really think that it is all part of the refining process that God is allowing me to go through right now so that I can grow even closer to Him.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10
We have an amazing life. Even though there are moments that knock me off my feet, I always get back up. The good always outweigh the bad. When I wake every single morning, my very first thought is to thank God for this life, the one with the trials and the pain, the one with so many blessings.
God is good and faithful always, even when we turn against Him. But being in the light of His grace is nothing short of amazing. We are so blessed and I am living my dream. Of course I wish Sophia was here with us too, but as Mark recently reminded me, we have 3 out of 5 kids in Heaven already. Those are pretty good numbers! What a beautiful reunion that will be someday. Until then though, I have a lot of living to do, and I don’t intend to miss out on any of it.
So thanks for taking this ride with us. We are so grateful for our friends and family and the many people we continue to meet and get to know because of our experience. As we travel along the ups and downs, twists and turns, remember that it all works out for good in the end for those who choose Him.